Cristina Wager-Weisman, Music and Performing Arts Teacher
Ever watch a kid meltdown over homework, stress out over AP classes, or just be too exhausted to enjoy their childhood? We are lucky as parents at Waterfront Montessori that we do not have these problems at home and I am grateful that I avoided this for many years until my children started high school. Although they manage stress well due to the SEL skills they developed at WFM, I think education outside of WFM is damaging our children.
I recently listened to an NPR Podcast with author Jennifer Breheny Wallace who wrote Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic. She talked about the "power of mattering." Kids who feel that they matter and are important are valued for who they are deep at their core. When they have purpose and feel valued by their family, friends, and their larger community, they have healthy self-esteem and feel good about themselves. Feeling good about themselves acts as a shield against anxiety, depression, and failures.
Unfortunately, we have reached a place in our education system and in our parenting culture where we perceive achievement as success. But this is not the case. As I witness my teen children thrive while some of their peers struggle due to years of pressure, I am so thankful that I chose WFM for my children. No price tag can compare to having happy, confident, stable teenagers who care for people, pursue their passions, and prove that the teenage years do not have to be painful. In fact, they can be amazing. I attribute much of this to WFM and the parenting skills it has taught me throughout the years. External value from achievement goals, high grades, and doing things for status will cause harm. But tending natural curiosity, exploring your passions, being a kind friend and citizen, and having a purpose will nurture a child's intrinsic value – a value we hold high at WFM.
It can be challenging when you hear other parents discussing their child's achievements and activities. You may feel pressured, but please resist succumbing to that pressure. It is not worth it in the end. Depression and anxiety in your child's future will be far more stressful. True success will be measured in the "power of mattering." Our alumni already prove that; their success is driven by their deep intrinsic value.
What advice does Jennifer Wallace give to parents to help their children feel valued? "Make your home as best as you can a haven from the pressure. Tell [your child] I love you whether you succeed or whether you fail. My love and your value in this home does not change."